Ali Lochhead

I walk into what would otherwise seem like some random girl's school in North London and it's absolutely buzzing. I am immediately infected with the atmosphere of pure Love and joy. It's impossible to feel otherwise. This centre feels so alive, in the true sense of the word.

I’m led down to the gym for my briefing as a virgin volunteer, I’m still feeling a bit nervous about how I'll manage. Will I talk too much? Be insensitive? Appear aloof? Be overly keen to help? I look around, there are about 100 volunteers (I guess) sitting in a circle and everyone is smiling. I’m smiling too. My team leaders immediately put me at ease. Crisis at Christmas has been running for 40 years, so I suppose it’s not suprising they’ve already thought of everything.

My team leader explains she is a volunteer too and we are all in this together. She explains we currently have 30 guests in our centre, which opened yesterday and have capacity for 65 ladies. She explains some ladies are high maintenance. They might try to take a lot of my attention. They might ask for a towel, when they've already asked for five five towels already, from other volunteers. She explains why this is. Well, one lady in particular, she doesn't want to tell us what other guests have witnessed her go through, but she says it's fair to say she has been treated worse than a dog, on the streets.

She explains lots of other things too, If I'm on cleaning duty, I might see a lady surrounded by things which might not look like much but these small things might represent that homeless woman's world. So I might see a woman surrounded by, what looks like rubbish to me but sometimes, even a paper cup is all that lady has. So not to move it without her permission. I feel so grateful for the guidance.

I have a number of tasks throughout my shift. I can't tell you how much fun I have. All day long people are coming in and out of the centre. People come to perform, to sing, take dance classes, entertain. Some of the classrooms have been transformed into bedrooms, the school ballet studio is now a spa area. People come to give haircuts, massage, manicures. Dentists and doctors are on site. Opticians give eye tests. One lady shows me her new glasses, they look really cool on her. She looks fab. There's a whole room full of clothes people and companies have donated and I have such a laugh finding the ladies outfits to glam up in for Crisis at Christmas Christmas Day. Our chefs are amazing, they even feed me, which I wasn't expecting! Some of my tasks are quite quiet, there wasn't much going on when I was manning the luggage area but you always work with a co-volunteer and usually a guest pops by for a chat. I have so many amazing conversations about spirituality, shamanism, living in the moment, Love, relationships, life, all sorts of stuff. It's great because I'm meeting so many different women and I don't think I would have met them otherwise.

I connect most deeply with the most vulnerable guest. She has peed on the sofa. My team leader explains she did the same last year. It's because she's been treated as an animal on the streets she's behaving like on. This is her way of claiming her territory, making the sofa, the centre, her home. She's such a beautiful woman and quite elderly. Even in her desperation she radiates sense of dignity alongside her defiance. Her clothes obviously need to be washed but we don't have laundry facilities at our centre. So my co-volunteer and I are in the showers trying our best to clean them, we are trying really hard to get a fresh smell into the clothes and it's proving really difficult. I understand these belongings are all this lady has and I am trying to feel what she's going through and I'm filled with so much gratitude. I realise I take fresh smelling clothes for granted. I just go down to the shop, buy my fabric conditioner, bung it in my washing machine and that's it!

Then another guest has an accident, she is so embarrassed and my co-volunteer and I are trying to wash her jeans and her underwear for her. She is so grateful and so sweet. My co-volunteer reckons she is good at handwashing because her mum taught her, she washed all their clothes by hand and I'm explaining my mum had a twin tub, she still had to drag the clothes out of the machine part and into the spinner and she had to go outside as it was in a back building in the garden. So here we are wringing out the jeans and her end has loads of water running out and my puny efforts are only getting a trickle and we are laughing so much! Our mothers are with us in spirit, I'm holding everyone I Love dearly in my heart, so all my Loved ones are with me. I never would have imagined hand washing urine out of someone's clothes would be so much fun! But I understand now, I'm connected with Love. To feel so much Love I am filled to overflowing and have lots to pass on, my theory is working! I manage my tasks with ease. And lest I forget for a moment, I just need to look around at everyone else and see their smiles and loving gestures and they show me the way.

At our debrief we're all exhausted but everyone is still smiling. Me too.

Another volunteer kindly gives me a lift half way home and I make the last tube! I see my ex texted at five past midnight to wish me a Happy Christmas and tell me he's thinking of me. That feels sweet, it's still me he's thinking about. He fancies a chat, I'm so tired I can hardly talk! But I feel so happy. So grateful for this whole experience and what it has taught me. Today is right up there as one of the top ten days in my life.

Ali.

Crisis Homeless Charity